yujia feels so screwed

things are just crap for me now
i feel so screwed
so many things are happening at once that i dont knw how to solve them one by one

i did so many stupid things that i regret
i understand that i must take responsibilty for my actions
but i dont knw how to take up this kind of responsibility
SERIOUSLY
i knw i shld apologise
i knw i shld pay her back
but what else can i do to solve this shit i made

i understand the consequences of my actions
to my life, her life, her squad, other squads, senior cohort, my corps
but the way i do things is also after deep consideration
i did do things to try to solve the problem
I DID MY UTMOST BEST

i was so freaked out
if not for my squadmates i would have just cried and cried and cried
til my tears sun dry
not that i didnt cry

i was wondering if leaving was the best solution
leaving something i like so much
something so close to my heart
just to make up for this mistake
i thought of it
put my deepest thought in it
i ran through my life without it
maybe a freer life
but with less meaning maybe

i came into it thinking i will last
but now, i am the first to go
such irony

but after much thought
i decided that maybe it was the best solution

now what i need is a person to talk to
a person to share my woes
and to tell me what is the right thing to do
please dont ask me to think for myself
i have no brains
dont ask me to do that
PLEASE


just talk to me
listen to me
tell me what to do now


yujia wants to hide
but she knws she cant escape guilt and responsiblity


so yujia wants redemption
please god, tell her what to do